Tuesday, June 9, 2015

KALEIDOSCOPE


what do the people of the world crave for? Love? Baloney. It’s a purpose. It’s a sum total of your priorities, your memories, the people who come and go, your choices and the results of all that and much much more: mixed around like a concoction of reality and hope. It all started when I was losing myself, when I was losing touch with the world around me and being felt like I was surrounded by a sky full of dementors.

Anyway. This was that point in life that probably one would say “every teenager goes through” but personally, I think what matters is how each one’s thoughts wander during such events and controls the mind and soul of a human being- the crucial state of mind that makes all the difference.

I was a victim- or rather Survivor- of deception and misunderstanding- two simple words that could cause so much chaos in an 18 year old’s mind.

Typing all this makes me second guess myself- is this the truth? Or am I just drowning in self pity? Coming up with an answer to this question makes it so challenging because of all the clichéd stories out there- but heck! I m gonna go on anyway.

So I believe everyone comes across a handful of inspiring people in their lives, and like everybody out there, so did I.

Briefing my story – that person who inspired me so much so that im here, writing about all this- out in the open was my teacher. I would say- not only was he a teacher for me, he was someone who I respected a lot. He was a mentor, Almost a friend.

Now, randomly but essentially meandering onto my many theories- You know what the key to a good life is? Lowering expectations.

This unfortunately, did not happen in my case. The people around me- my friends, my teachers, my parents, everybody seemed to expect so much out of me that it became hard for me to wrap my brain around why, sometimes- these people would say things like “your standards are going low” or “your graph is showing a downfall”. I mean…what does that even infer? WHAT GRAPH?

I have a graph? Why don’t the other kids ever have a graph like that? What frustrated me even more was when people would say such things, they wouldn’t tell me WHY. They wouldn’t tell me HOW I’m falling, and neither would they tell me how to get back up. So I was on my own here. With my own dangerously over thinking brain that just seized negativity the moment it came close. This was when I was lost. I would question myself “where am I falling? What am I doing wrong? Am I fading away?”

It was like I was being continuously picked at by the universe until I pop. The worse part being- I ALLOWED the universe to pick at me. Everything seemed to be victimizing me and things slowly started to make less sense, confusing me all the more. When an avalanche buries you and you’re lying there underneath all that snow, you can’t tell which way is up or down. You want to dig yourself out but pick the wrong way, and you dig yourself to your own demise. That was how I felt. Disoriented, suspended in confusion, stripped off my compass. It was almost like a Bollywood movie scene where the girl is depressed, she doesn’t eat and just bawls her eyes out all night. I wouldn’t say my situation was the same- for instance, I ate like a glutton, but unfortunately, it proved to be somewhat similar.

After all that overthinking, negativity and plain misconception of life, I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I had to find that ray of sunshine and make my way out into the world again, so I gained some courage (a lot of it) and made the WISE decision (very wise, Now that I think of it) of digging my way through and talking about all this to someone I looked up to with great respect and someone whom I thought- for some vague reason- would GET me and what was exploding in my head.

To my good luck, gut feeling and sheer pouring-out-of-emotions, this person took me out of my dark side and made me realise that it is only my negative thinking that is ruining me and causing so much mayhem in every other aspect of my life. All that I have written in this article- I realise because of this one person and one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt from him- is giving time. I guess there are some things that are meant to vanish in an instant and there are some things that will take time to dissolve. Time truly heals everything and makes that annoying phrase “everything’s going to be okay” seem so much sweeter when experienced. I owe a lot to this “hero”, if I may call him that, and I will remain ever grateful to him for being the only person who didn’t lose hope in me and saw my true side, even though there was so much cloudy turbulence in the air.


It’s funny, the thing about people. They come and go- like pebbles thrown in water. Some creating huge ripples, some changing colors and some just disappearing into invisibility. All this is reality and is something that turned my life around and I am not ashamed to write about it or let the whole world know. Petty and dramatic for some, but life changing for another. It is important to be someone who makes you happy and makes you want to look back and say “yes. I made it.”

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